Feeling so tired today.

Don’t know whether if it is because im getting older,  just too tired because it is time of the month or i am just really tired today.

I get really tired after photo shoots and i have to sleep for at least 2 hours after the shoot or else i cannot concentrate on anything. I used to have so much zest and energy whenever i go for shoot but now , i am just getting more tired and totally knock out on the bed after the shoot. Photo shoot is not just about changing and posing in a pretty pose that’s it. The weather is very hot and have to endure the heat ( in the changing tent and under the hot sun ). Changing outfits is really tiring and have to stay focus while posing. Sometimes , i get stung by mosquitoes. Even the photographer job is not easy. Nothing in this world is easy.

I haven’t been blogging much about my daily life lately because i want to keep some stuff more private. Like my future , my relationship etc. Oppa and i did talk about our future together. I feel very happy when i am with him. He can take care of me , leads the relationship and i respect him. He is a very private person so i seldom blog about him.

Can’t believe that i have been blogging for almost 8 years. 2 years on blog spot and 6 years over here at peonykiss.com . I remembered starting to blog after my Alevels and then , i only had 30-50 readers per day and how it grew to an average of 4000 per day. Some of my long time readers “grew up” with me and we made friends. Started seeing each other from our schooling days and now some of them were married and had babies. I won’t consider myself as a full time blogger because it is not my source of income. I started blogging 8 years ago pouring out my feelings about my relationships , friendships and life etc. I have been through lots of drama and ups and downs in my life for the past 8 years. And how i grew up from all these experiences and learn to see or read people.

Some people asked why i didn’t go for events or hanging out with other bloggers ? Yes , i did received invites every week for events. But just don’t want to go.

My life was kinda “public” for the past few years and as i grew older , i would like to have some privacy. I like to keep to myself and just hang out with friends i know for years and people i trust. Not that i am anti social and arrogant but i just don’t want to go because it is not my kind of thing.

I am known for being straight forward on my blog. Blogging about products that i used that weren’t even sponsored and reviewed them voluntarily (such as Hera which is a Korean skincare brand ) and i used to trash places or things which gives me break outs or food that doesn’t taste or worth the money. I guess my bluntness and straight forward personality are what drew my readers to my blog. I don’t accept products or sponsors which i know i will not use , don’t like or products just doesn’t work for me.

My bluntness and straight forward personality was seen as arrogant or anti-social by some people. But at least i am not that fake and pretending to smile at people i don’t like. People are into the fame thingy now. Like trying to increase their followers and likes on their instagram. Some buy followers and likes to jack up their advert rates. I heard some “gang up” together so that they can “share” their followers. But some are really good and i think they deserve the numbers they have. I am just too old and tired for these. Maybe if i am 23 or 24 now , i may have the energy to do so. During my prime when i was 19-24 , there were no such thing as instagram , iphone or dayre. Just blogging and people read blogs. The only blog and instagram i follow is just Xiaxue because i like how straight forward she is and not pretentious in her blogging.

Now only the new generation has the energy to do so.

At my age ( i am already 28 this year )  , i just think about stability and my future. Fame is not important anymore.

Oppa always tell me ” Minhee ( my Korean name ) , you have me and your family. Most importantly is to be happy”.

*Anyway the Korean name is for my Korean friends because i realized they find it hard to remember Chinese or English names. Or they can’t pronounce my name and it just sounds so weird that i don’t know that they are calling out for me.

I like his positivity in life and i really respect him because of that too. His previous occupation as a ship navigation officer ( 2nd officer ) who navigates a big ship definitely pay much higher but going out at sea and unable to go home for 6-8 months means he has less time for family and no life ( i cannot imagine sailing and living in a ship at open sea for 6-8 months ). But he chose to come here to work and to improve his English. I really admire his positivity in life.

Life is good for me now. Been through alot of experiences, dramas, ups and downs for the past 2 years and it kinda changed the way i look at things and what i want in life. And also never to trust people too easily even friends you know for years. Which is why i tend to keep things to myself and i get stressed up very easily. I try to release my stress now by learning to cook so that i can focus on the cooking and how to improve the taste instead. Sounds strange but different people have different way of dealing with stress. I used to sleep and sleep when i was stressed but that was a really bad way of relieving stress because it makes me feel more lazy and depressed.

I just want a simple life with my love one and have a family. I ever have thoughts about my future. I know i cannot model for long for Agneselle.com and i need to get someone new. I am just too tired.

Right now , my routine are pretty fixed. I go for photo shoots , Korean classes , my facials and laser treatments , watching dramas and variety shows to improve my Korean , learning to cook and meeting my Oppa. My life is less stressful than before. My parents are helping me to take care of Agneselle especially in the logistic part. I don’t trust anyone except my parents in my business now. And if not for them , i will be even more tired.

Just a little rant today before i get back to work.